Smile - Ruby's Smile

Ruby put down her pencil and closed her journal. She lingered there for a moment before she spun out of her chair, almost knocking over the Doctor over. He liked watching her write, and as usual, he was standing too close.
'Oh, sorry,' he said. Ruby was still trying to regain her balance. He put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. Blushing slightly and looking down at her shoes she mumbled her thanks.
'No problem,' he replied letting go and self-consciously straightened his bow tie. She whipped around and went down one of the many corridors in the TARDIS. Must've gone to the bathroom, the Doctor thought. He turned in a counter-clockwise circle and looked at her journal. It beckoned to him, like a song, but he didn't dare read it. Not yet at least. Reading an unfinished entry is no fun anyway.
Within two minutes, Ruby was back leaning over her journal.  Wish I knew what she was thinking about, he thought to himself. A grin made its way onto his face. I did have kind of a telepathic power with Amy. He chuckled, recollecting the memory. Ruby would tell me if her thoughts were worth mentioning, he thought. Wouldn't she? Yes, she would. Who knows what goes on in her head anyway? Well, of course she does. But that doesn't count, does it? No, I don't suppose it does.  He shook his head, getting rid of his internal rambling.  He knew that if Ruby knew that he was rambling, she would probably say something about his internal monologue. He smiled and upon doing so, realised that Ruby hadn't seen smiling nearly as much as she usually did. He considered the notion for a moment, but dismissed it quickly. The Doctor walked round the console for a minute before he chose a passageway to go down. Going through it, he picked a spot on the wall and leant against it, hands in his pockets, head cocked to one side. He went to thinking.
I wonder what she's writing about. Hope it's one of those poems. She is a bloody good poet. Good writer too. Of course she is, being the Mother of 21st Century poetry. She's just so brilliant. Another obvious given her writing. She must spend ages thinking up those pieces. Or maybe she spends no time at all and she simply thinks of them on the spot. Perhaps she's finished with her entry. After this thought, he shifted his weight to both feet and briskly walked back to her.
Still moving her pencil across the page of her journal Ruby asked, 'Been thinking?'

'A bit. Yes.'

'About what?'

'Just wondering about you,' he smiled at her, 'and your writing.' Ruby blushed. The Doctor noticed, but didn't say anything. He went to pacing the floor. He looked around at the TARDIS, and, finding spot on her floor, sat down and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh. He was perfectly happy with sitting there forever, hearing the scratch of Ruby's pencil on her journal, the hum of the TARDIS enveloping his ears. But, being a Time Lord, he knew nothing lasted forever. Everything turns to dust and everything ends. So he snapped his eyes open looked over to Ruby. She was staring at him, her chin resting on her hand, her red hair covering her TARDIS blue eyes.  This, and the fact her zebra-striped skullcap was pulled to the middle of her forehead made it hard to read her expression. But, regardless he could see something he couldn't quite accept.
'What? Is there something on my face?' He asked, trying to be playful but knowing that something was wrong.

'No. It's nothing,' she replied simply. She opened her mouth as if to say something else, but bit her lip and said nothing. She spun round and brought her pencil to her journal, but didn't write anything. Her cheeks were pink again. This time he didn't let it go.
'What?' He persisted, standing up and shifting his weight nervously between each foot. He realised that she was staring at a fixed spot in her journal as if to burn a hole in the page. Her eyes were cold, her shoulders ridged, her hand fixed in a white-knuckle grip on her pencil. Hesitantly, he walked over to her.  Putting his arm over her shoulders, gaze softening, he asked, 'What's wrong Ruby?'

'Nothing! I said that already!' She spat, pushing back her chair and running over his foot. He cringed at the pain, but was still able to ask, 'What the hell has gotten into you?' He was shocked at her sudden outburst. She was standing now, facing him. She continued.
'What's gotten into me? Oh, I think the almighty Doctor can figure that out on his own!'

'No I can't. I can't read your mind,' He replied, trying to remain calm. 'So, why don't you tell me why you're acting like you're going mad and we can just put this behind us.' He noticed that she had her arms crossed over her chest and anger twisted her features into a scowl.
'You'd like that wouldn't you?' Her cynical undertone was quickly becoming more evident with each word. Frustrated now, he retorted, 'Stop being so stubborn! Just calm the hell down! My good Gallifreyan god, you have nothing to be yelling about!'

'Oh, I don't, do I?  You're just so ignorant!' She threw she hands up in the air in exasperation.

'Now listen just a minute. I don't think that… Wait. What was that? What do you mean, 'ignorant'?' He was confused. Ruby didn't act this way. At least, normal Ruby didn't. He had to figure out what was wrong with her. Ruby had kept talked while the Doctor was thinking.  
'What do I mean? I mean exactly what I said. Unaware. Naïve. Oblivious. See what I'm getting at?'

'Yes, I do. But why?'  He rubbed his forehead and tried to choose his words carefully as he spoke. 'What am I not seeing Ruby? Just tell me!' He was getting frustrated now. He hated when people didn't tell him things. He'd noticed he'd been overly impatient lately. He made a mental note to work on it.
"How can you don't see what's right in front of you! I honestly do not understand you! You're just so stupid! You thick-headed idiot!" She started towards the corridor leading to her room. 'Ruby. Wait…' He said, reaching out his hand as if to grab her back. But she had already stepped past him. He wanted to follow her, and walked towards the door. He stopped suddenly at the threshold and decided against it. It would be better to let her cool down a bit before going to talk to her, he thought.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Doctor paced the room nervously. A good amount of time had past since the argument, and Ruby was still in her room. He had toyed with the thought of knocking on her door to talk to her and even got so far as to walk to her room, but decided against it at the last minute. He leant round the doorframe and peered to both ends of the passage. Ruby wasn't there and he was worried that she wasn't going to come back anytime soon. After some apprehension the Doctor went down the corridor. He wanted to know what was going on, but didn't want to be yelled at again. The whole thing still massively confused him. What did I do? He thought. It seems she's always on defence about something lately. Anything could set her off. Like she's a pack of explosives, waiting for a stray spark.

Still puzzled, he rubbed his hands together and in doing so remembered Ruby's journal. The Time Lords' eyes widened as he whispered to himself, 'Of course.' He spun a 180 on his heel and fast walked to the control room. She left the journal there for me to read, he thought. I didn't get to see what she was writing. It might a clue to why she's acting so odd. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realised another thing. He mused again. She might've just left it there in her anger, and forgotten about it. And the entry might just be a story about the last place we went. He shook his head. No, he gave himself a pep talk. Don't think negatively. There's still a chance that it has some indication of why she's gone mental. Walking faster, he and found himself in the control room. Thankfully, it was still there, her journal. Right where she left it. He picked it up and stroked its brown leather cover. It was worn from overuse, even though it was fairly new. Tentatively, he opened it.

He was greeted by her first entry, Day One. It tells, of course, of the first day they met. He had been hunting a Cu Sith and stumbled into her garden.  She was so calm and collected then. He still couldn't believe she'd figured out it was allergic to hydrogen, and shot it with a water gun. He had immediately wanted to show her a planet. That's how they started, Ruby and him. He smiled, still thinking about Day One while flipping through the rest of the journal. Many of the entries were just unrecognizable scribble strewn across the page, about what she could piece together about him, Gallifrey, and his TARDIS. So much she will never know about me, he thought.  The Doctor stopped at one particular item, a drawing of a bow tie.  He smiled. He realised again, that Ruby hadn't been smiling lately. He remembered thinking that earlier. He went back to the journal and he stopped once more at an entry that was quite long compared to her usual snippets.

I don't know what day it is.

I only know I've travelled with the Doctor for a good few months now. We have seen so many things. Things I could only dream about. Now that I get to see these wonders, there is something else I dream about. The Doctor.

He stopped to contemplate what he'd read. 'She's thinking about me?' He asked to himself.  'Why would she do that?' He continued reading to find the answer.

I dunno why. It's all started all of a sudden. Whenever I catch myself in a daydream its always about him. Also I've noticed a change in myself as well. Whenever someone yells at the Doctor while he's thinking, I shush them. More than that he just needs quiet. Its like I get defensive.

My mum once told me when I was back home for lunch that that sounded like love. It can't be true. I love the Doctor? Well...I suppose it could be a little true. All right it's completely true. But its not like he could ever love me back. I'm far too young for him. Even then, I think someone else lay a claim on his hearts a long time ago. It's not going to stop me travelling with him. I just have to keep my little daydreams to myself.

There is one thing I can always be, though. I can defend him. I mean, if the Doctor defends the universe, who defends the Doctor when he's only seen as a stone cold trickster? I doubt he will ever love me, but no matter what he says I will always be his defender.

Next, Theros 12. Sounds like fun!

The Doctor was stunned. No, confused. He was feeling both of these things, at once. First, a feeling of astonishment. Astonishment at the fact that he hadn't seen it sooner. He looked back on their adventures and it seemed obvious! Even that incident, only mere moments ago, had been an unmistakable clue. I was so ignorant! She was right! He mentally slapped himself. The look she had on her face that was a look of love! But she wasn't smiling. She hasn't in a while. He rubbed his chin and thought about that for a moment before another reaction washed over him. One of confusion. Why does she love me? He reflected. What does she love about me? Do I love her? All these questions ran through his head, along with many others. He had begun pacing again, Ruby's journal in one hand the the other alternating between running through his hair and rubbing his forehead. He turned in countless circles, put Ruby's journal back on the console, picked it up and put it down.

After a good eight minutes of that, he finally decided to go and talk to her. He turned towards the door he had been standing at earlier. He went about 20 feet down the cooridor before, for the second time that day, he bumped into Ruby.  'Oh, Doctor!' She was flustered. 'I was just coming down to talk to you.'

'As was I.'

'Were you really?'

'Yes.'
'What about?'

'Well, um…I just wanted to say…' He nervously ran his fingers through his hair
.
'Say what?' Ruby was curious.

'I just wanted to say... that I'm… sorry for yelling at you earlier.'

'And you; is that it?'

'Yes. Wait, no. It's just that… I… um… You see it's like… well…'

'Out with it then.' She was getting annoyed.

'I wanted to say that… I…I…'

'You what?' She persisted.

'I just… I…um…' He gulped and looked down at the floor.

'You what? What, Doctor?'

'I…um…well…'

'You know what, never mind. It's not important,' she said nonchalantly.  She walked past him and into the passage. The Doctor was puzzled for a moment, and then decided against his instinct to follow her. He couldn't quite place it but something told him to let her shrug it off. He began humming a little tune to himself, and walked in a circle around the control console.  He noticed that he couldn't hear Hannah's footsteps any longer. He thought that she had made it to another room, but unknown to him, she had stopped in the doorway. The Doctor couldn't see her. If he could, he would see her leaning against the doorframe, with a smile that said everything.